Sigh...where do I begin?
Oct 1st. I snapped and flipped on everybody...friends, family, dispatch, everyone for no apparent reason. I've been fighting off the depression for a couple weeks, but it kept coming back. Plus, if you don't know, I'm a Shamanic Practitioner/Eclectic Male Witch. I deal with Spirits on a daily basis. Perhaps one latched on. Idk...
I've noticed I haven't posted in a month and a half(last post Aug 31). I guess my simplest explanation is the lack of motivation. Where is this lack of motivation coming from??
Well...one reason is coming up with daily content when you have little time due to job demands. Making a daily blogs/vlogs isn't really all that easy to do. You always have to have a camera ready to capture whatever it is you want to show or say. Then edit all the small clips together at the end of the day, and upload the finished product to YouTube. Then share, share, share everywhere. If you're typing everything out like I'm doing now, then you have to become a journalist of somesort, recounting things that happens and type them out in your own wording ...yet not sound like an idiot. Don't forget proper punctuation, spelling & capitalization! This isn't Facebook, it's your fucking blog/website that who knows will read it. Also, adding a photo or two to the post that "says" everything you've typed...like a newspaper article. Catchy headline, good content explaining things and a photo(s).
Second reason for lack of motivation is... I've been depressed major after a head on collision I got into on Sept. 10 in Reno. My mom was riding shotgun, and she got dinged up! The car tuned in front of me on a yellow light. I didn't have time to stop in time. All I could do was slam the brakes and veer right. Their car got totally trashed, while my Dodge Ram 2500 suffered minimal damage due to the heavy duty push bar I have on the front. If I didn't veer, the passenger would be dead and the driver would be seriously messed up or maybe dead too. The were driving a 2013 Kia Sol. There was no competition between my truck and their car. They were sighted for the wreck, and a few days later they get another car while my Ram still to this day is in the bodyshop!!! GEICO is a shitty insurance company and don't want to pay for anything. Hell they offered my mom $1000 to walk away!! The bodyshop is in constant arguments with them. I'm about to sue as well. This is total Bullshit.
Mom hired a lawyer. The lawyer is making her go to all these doctors and getting tests, MRIs...you name it...for an impending lawsuit. The MRI came back that she has a brain tumor and other "bumps" in her body. The family was devastated by this news. My normally under control depression came out in full force! I don't want to loose my mom. I've been with her all my life...almost 37 years now! I'm the oldest of her children. So, they'd become my responsibility. My sister is 29, but she seems incompetent of surviving on her own. Her recent "man" just dumped her out of the blue...running away to Kentucky to be with his family. He's a douchebag from the beginning, but my sister held on like "Tammy Wynett", and still is!! Although he's on the other side of the country not responding to her messages. My brother is 17, not quite legal. I don't think he'd last long on his own either. He could probably move to his dads place in California. Idk... The reason I'm still around is because I've been driving a truck all these years with no family of my own. I've never seen a point on spending money on a mortgage or rent on a place I'd hardly ever be.
Luckily the other day, the tests came back saying moms brain tumor isn't cancerous, but the doctors want to keep an eye on it in case it grows. I almost lost it when I heard that news. It's been one big roller coaster after another. The whole wreck in general messed me up mentally.
Third thing is...Lucille my '72 Dodge Challenger. Putting her back together after she sat for nine years is overwhelming me. My brother and I replaced dam near everything on her. I'm not going into details on all what we did, but it was a lot. We got her running the other day(same day mom got the good news about her brain tumor). Well, actually the night before... I got to drive her around the storage facility where I have her. I was oh so beyond happy that our efforts have paid off. The next day we went and got her and brought her (illegally) to the house to give her a much needed bath. After she was shined up, I tried to start Lucy and she refused! I had to get her towed back to the storage unit. $50!!
Her third starter won't retract the gear, and the flywheel has missing teeth. To change a flywheel, you either have to pull the engine or drop the tranny. Dropping the tranny is easier than yanking the engine. Plus, the flexplate we changed is making noise like the old one did. That's what I get for buying a POS from eBay. I'm just gonna take her to a mechanic and let him deal with her. Sparky & I are burnt out on that forty three year old Dodge.
Fourth thing...I have a sore tooth and my dentist is an asshole. He wants me to spend $1500 on a tooth that will break anyways. I have brittle teeth. So there is no reason to spend that much on something that isn't going to last. He'll pull it for $150. I told him that's what I want to do and he handed my ass to me saying its a big mistake and all kinds of other shit. He flat out doesn't like me because I don't have insurance and don't have as much money than him. Yet, he is the cheapest dentist I can find. If I want to be mentally abused, I'd find my estranged wife or my ex step dad.
Anyways, ranting/crybaby time is over. I'll try to be more regular on my posts.
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